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What to do, what to do?

May 19, 2011

So, here I am. I am married, have 4 beautiful children, all this in just under 10 years. So, what now? I am only turning 30 next year, yes, I am only 29 now. I still have my whole life ahead of me.
But now I am not sure what to do with my life. I have ideas and dreams, but I don’t know what to do with them.

When I was in Highschool I decided in Std 7, now Grade 9 that I am going to change all my subjects to Standard grade, for the simple reason that 2 of them where Standard grade subject and not available on Higher Grade and I knew I was not planning on going to University, because I knew my parents didn’t have money to send me. My subjects were: Afrikaans, Engels, Biologie, Tik, Huishoudkunde, Naaldwerk en Kleding. I did rather well in school, I didn’t have a social life, so I concentrated on my schoolwork. At the end of matric I got 3 distinctions and the other 3 subjects I got B’s. Yeah for me. I got good marks, but who cares, actually no one.

I decided to do a correspondence course, I wanted to do Nature Conservation, that was the only thing I was interested in, going to the wildside. But then I met Johan, go married and had children.
With that part of my life completed I want to do something with my life now. I am doing some sewing, but that’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I need something more exciting. So, here I am sitting and thinking about what to do. Last week I drove past the local vet and suddenly I thought, I think it will be nice to volunteer at a vet, wish I had the time, then I took my thoughts further, what if I decide to go and study for a vet or vet nurse? So the searching began. Bummer, you need matric mathematics to qualify to study vet or vet nurse. Then I hear that there is exceptions when you are older and did good in matric etc etc. But last night it hit me, is that what I really want to do? That wont give me flexi hours, I wont be able to still be there for my kids. This is a 8-5 and after hours job.
Then the thinking start all over, then I remembered what I wanted to start doing while we were in Nigeria and there we had the money, so it was easier to pursue my dream. There I decided that I want to go into photography, but I want to specifically do birth photos, but if one go into photography you can do other photos too.
The other thing is to become a doula, I love birth, its such an amazing thing the witness, that would be a great job for me, but it is a bit difficult if you have kids of your own, you must be available 24/7 for a birth.
While we were in Nigeria I came across this website and I fell in love with the idea. But for this you need a lot of money and a place to do it. Just another dream, to own my own birthing unit for woman who want to birth in a home like place.

All this rambling and I still don’t know what to do or where to start and I think I don’t even make sense.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 19, 2011 7:52 am

    Ah Elaine, this is a great post, because it is from the heart. What about dog training? Nice good hours. We did clicker training with ours – it is fantastic.

  2. May 19, 2011 10:27 am

    At least you are thinking about the future. Once Christie and Nadia are in school you can start to make your dreams become real. Use this time before that happens to decide on a route and plan how you are going to get there. At least when the time comes that you can actually DO something you will have it all planned out.

  3. May 19, 2011 12:52 pm

    I would make lists.
    Well, thats what works for me.
    By the sounds of it you feel strongly about something in a medical field…? Perhaps take each of the options you have listed here and make a list of the pros and cons for each one. Then keep the lists with you for a while and add to them each time you think of something.
    When you think your lists are finished, take a long hard look at them and then make a list of the requirements, including the time, finances and the possible emotional costs. Then look at them again.

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