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I don’t want to

November 18, 2009

I don’t want to be a wife.
I don’t want to be a mother.
I don’t want to be the responsible parent.
I don’t want to struggle with kids who doesn’t listen.
I don’t want to feel like I am 40, when I am only 27.
I don’t want to clean the house.
I don’t want to sort and pack the stuff alone.
I don’t want to cope with all the accounts alone.
I don’t want to move to Nigeria.

I WANT to be single,
I WANT to be free.
I WANT my own career.
I WANT love.
I WANT attention.

I NEED professional help!

I know a lot of people will say that I am selfish and ungrateful and I must look at the things I have. But I don’t care what people think and say, this is how I feel and no one will understand because they are not in my shoes.
Yes, I know I chose my own life and I am what I am now because of my own choices. But I am pretty sure that I was too young to make all those decisions myself and no one helped me to make the right decisions. No one stopped me and gave me advice.
I have now said enough, not going into all the detail today.
Thats all I have to say today!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 18, 2009 5:52 pm

    I am sorry you are feeling so bad, hope you find a way through this

  2. November 19, 2009 3:34 pm

    It can’t be easy having to cope all alone when you are used to having your husband around to help. You must feel so lonely and alone.

    Imagine how insecure your girls are feeling right now. Their dad is far away and they miss him. Their mom is tuning out and pulling away from them emotionally. Maybe they just playing up to check if you still notice them?

    You may not have been old enough to make “adult” decisions when you got married. But it is not the fault of your children. They are here because you wanted them. Every time you want to give up just think of them, they need you and whether you like it or not, you cannot resign the position of “mother”.

    Despite how this reads, it’s not an uitkak. I’m just hoping to pull you out of your “self pity downward spiral” and get you to focus your eyes on your 3 beautiful gifts from God. Count your blessings & you will begin to see more and more blessings around you.

    Praying for you that you can rise above this turmoil and be truly happy.
    Love and hugs

  3. alet2020 permalink
    November 23, 2009 11:30 am

    I can relate! I want most of the things you do, don’t let it get you down, allow it to motivate you!

    (( hugs ))

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